Review

[Note: I'll try to avoid plot spoilers, but don't hate me if there are some.]

First, let me say that Skyrim is not WoW. In fact, the Elder Scrolls series is about as far as one could get from WoW while still being a RPG videogame. Single player v. MMO. Exploration-based v. gameplay/mechanics-based. Generalist characters v. specialist characters. I might refer to WoW, but only so WoW peeps have a frame of reference. These are different games, both legendary and funtastic in their own right. Liking one does not mean you cannot like the other, but don’t feel like you must like one if you like the other.

Whereas Oblivion was Morrowind part 2, Skyrim is a completely new game. Skyrim retains the same focus on exploration, even more so than the condensed, generic map that was Oblivion, and far more gorgeous than the expansive yet bleak and dirty Vvardenfell. However, each Elder Scrolls game can be played and fully enjoyed without having played the previous games in the series. You might miss small bits of lore, but not having scaled Red Mountain or closed shut the doors of Oblivion will not impact your Dovahkiin experience.

Like previous Elder Scrolls incarnations, you begin life imprisoned for never-revealed crimes. The intro sequence thrusts you into the main plot while simultaneously acquainting you with the basics of the game. Once completed, Skyrim is your oyster.

Plot summary in one word: Dragons.

Plot summary in two words: Dragon killer.

Plot summary in enough words to be coherent: Dragons have returned to Skyrim, gone since ancient times. You are Dovahkiin, the Dragonborn, a fabled person capable of stealing the souls of dragons, which prevents them from being resurrected. You also have the ability to learn shouts, which have various effects including knocking opponents down and fire breathing. You can complete the main plot, some of it, or none.

But that’s just the tip of the main plot, which is one of many plots within Skyrim. There are guilds and factions to join, each with their own involved and intriguing stories. You can join them all, some, or none. And there are hundreds of side quests, some must be found, some are thrust upon you. You can do them…oh nevermind. You get the idea.

Like all RPGs, there’s a leveling system, which has been overhauled. The philosophy remains the same: you level what you do. However, the execution is much better in Skryim than in Oblivion or Morrowind. No more gaming the leveling system. There are 18 skills, each of which can be leveled to 100. To level a skill, you can train (book, trainer, or quest) or, the usual way, using that skill. Each time you level a skill, you get a notch towards your overall level. Once you have met the required number of notches, you ding, which grants you a boost to either magicka, health, or stamina, and awards a perk point.

Perks are Skyrim’s version of talent trees. Previously, leveling a skill made you more successful when using those skills: attacks became more powerful, crit more often, and missed less often. But that was it. No other rewards for leveling a skill. The perk system allows you to improve skills. Unlike WoW talent trees, you can improve any skill whether you use it or not (with some restrictions, namely “must be of skill level X to access this perk”.) This flexibility encourages players to try new skills. For example, I leveled Pickpocketing because of the Deep Pockets perk. I never leveled Pickpocketing in Oblivion and Morrowind because patience was not a virtual virtue of mine. Here, though, I had a reason to try it, and I found I really liked stripping people of their items while they wore them. That, and I never had an item that gave me +25% Pickpocketing success before. Like WoW talent trees, some perks are awesome (“Stagger when dual casting Fire spells? Done!”) and some are fail (“Prices are 10% better with the opposite sex? Who cares?”) Overall, the perk system greatly improves the game.

Gameplay is improved via the favorites system. On the 360, hit the d-pad and up pops a menu with your favorite spells and items for quick equipping. No more opening the full menu to find the sword with Soul Trap on it. Up, select sword (left- or right-hand equip), back to the action.

Combat mechanics remain much the same. Swordplay is a bit more user-involved than in Oblivion, but hacking and slashing like a spirit-stacking warrior will get the job done. Spells function like before though they seem slower. Might just be my memory. Sneaking is much improved: no more instant and permanent discovery unless you’re at or above lvl 75 Sneak. There’s more of a continuum, a scale of hiddenness. When you’re discovered, you’re discovered, but you actually have a chance at not being discovered instantly upon entering an area unless you’re a master of Sneak.

The addition of shouts is a positive change as it gives players fun, unique cooldowns. We have powers, but they’re on a 24-hour cooldown; waiting a day (game time) after every fight is annoying. Shouts also reinforce that we’re special. Oh sure, everyone calls us Dragonborn or Dovahkiin and we vacuum dragon souls, but shouts make us awesome. Morrowind and Oblivion didn’t have any mechanics that made us feel like the unique butterflies we are; Patrick Stewart tried, but for all we knew, he was thinking of Marina Sirtis when he told us we were the one from his dreams.

Another improvement is the killing blow animations. I was surprised the first time my character—a sneaky mage who uses one-handed weapons as back ups—struck a killing blow. In Oblivion and Morrowind, the only time the camera switched to third-person was to show the opponent’s killing blow on you. In Skyrim, you get to see your death as well as your enemy’s. My favorite was when I hopped on a dragon’s neck and bashed his face in with my Molag Bol. Awesome.

The character information screens could use some help. Equipping weapons and spells is faster, but the inventory system is painful, a major downgrade from Oblivion. As bad as it is for my character, the inventory system is particularly terrible when I store stuff in cupboards and chests in my house. Whereas other inventories have categories (weapons, armor, potions, books, etc), my home storage containers do not. Tis a pain in the ass finding the one item I need among the 100+ items in my cupboard. Almost feels like Bethesda either didn’t care about character storage or couldn’t code it in time for release.

Not being able to make arrows is annoying, but there are ways around that…

I play on the 360. I played Morrowind on the XBOX. I bought my 360 so I could play Oblivion as the computer I had back then could not handle Oblivion. Although I miss the additional functionality that the PC version offers, playing on the 360 means I get to play it on my high-def TV. Boo ya. Being in the living room means I can help with the baby instead of being sequestered in the computer room; marital harmony ftw. Also, controller trumps mouse.

And yes, there are bugs. Some are minor annoyances that require reloading the previous save, some are funny (I’ve seen mammoths fly), some prevent you from completing quests. They’re an unfortunate “feature” of all video games, open-world games in particular. If you cannot handle bugs, if you can’t stand such breaking of the fourth wall, then stop playing video games perhaps Skyrim isn’t for you. If you still want to play it, get the PC version as the PC’s console function will allow you to fix or bypass many problems and updates from Bethesda are more easily downloaded. If it’s any consolation (no pun intended), Skyrim has a fraction of the bugs that Oblivion had, which had a fraction of the bugs Morrowind have (God bless that gloriously buggy game.)

My character is a sneaky Dark Elf destruction mage who loves blacksmithing so much, he married a blacksmith. My playstyle is basic: sneak attack openers, fireballs for closers, make weapons and steal all the things when not tromping through dungeons. I haven’t made any alts yet as I’ve been working on achievements, namely the lvl 50 achievement. I’ve completed the main quest, am grand master of the Thieves Guild and arch-mage of the College of Winterhold. I helped the Stormcloaks conquer Skyrim (because fuck Altmeri.) I started the Companions quest chain, but stopped. I haven’t started the Dark Brotherhood quest chain. I’m saving both the Companions and Dark Brotherhood stories for my next character. I have bought houses in Whiterun, Riften, Markath, and Solitude. The house in Windhelm would be mine, but I can’t ever seem to find the guards required to start the chain. I’ve got some Draedric items, but I’m saving most of those stories for my alt; achievements ftw.

Do

• Explore. Wander off the path. Pick a direction and start walking.
• Stop and smell the roses…er, red mountain flowers.
• Enjoy the beautiful vistas.
• Save early, save often.
• Play the main quest line through on your first character. It will take you to the far corners of the map, and is a lot of fun.
• Turn on subtitles and read the quest texts.
• Read the in-game books.
• Empty bags regularly.
• Pick up items that have high value/weight ratios.
• Do the Whiterun quests and buy a house. It’s the cheapest house in the game (5000 gold) and it’s good to have a place to dump all your stuff.
• Get married. Some spouses are better than others, but marry who you want.
• Use a perk calculator.
• Take Smithing and Pickpocketing for quick levels
• Join the giants’ space program
• Level a combat skill to 100. Fire Storm ftw.
• Level a profession skill to 100. Dragonscale armor ftw.
• Join a faction and become its leader.
• Find a powerful item and modify your playstyle around it.
• Pick every lock.
• Go on a murderous rampage then reload from your last, pre-rampage save.
• Kite a dragon to a town and let the guards kill it.
• Or better yet, kite a dragon to a giant encampment for some giant+mammoth v. dragon action.
• Practice Archery on the birds flying above Solitude.
• Find all the Stones of Barenziah (I’m up to 8/24)
• Become a werewolf.
• Become a vampire.
• Shout someone to death.
• Conquer Skyrim for the Empire.
• Reclaim Skyrim for all true Nords.
• Activate a useful Guardian Stone, such as the Steed Stone. (Thanks, Jay!)

Don’t

• Try to game the leveling system because you can’t. This isn’t Morrowind or Oblivion.
• Fast travel everywhere. At least not at the beginning. Skyrim begs to be explored. Fast travel is the antithesis of exploration.
• Fret over crashes and bugs. Accept them and move on with life.
• Min/max. This isn’t a gameplay-driven game. Find an enjoyable playstyle and go with it.
• Do everything on one character. Save quests for alts.
• Kill everyone. Murder leads to the Dark Brotherhood, sure, but wanton slaughter leads to quests that cannot be completed.
• Buy a horse. Save your money.
• Use the Elder Scrolls wiki as a crutch. Try to complete as much as possible on your own.
• Feel bad using the Elder Scrolls wiki when you come across a bug or tedious quest. Search underwater for a small treasure chest with only vague clues to guide me? Yeah, I’ll let someone else with more free time than me find that.
• Avoid Skyrim because you haven’t played Morrowind or Oblivion. The series is connected, but not nearly as much as other RPG series. They are more stand alone games that share common themes, but missing a game does not put you out of the loop. So you may miss out on some of the depth of the Dwemer storyline. No big loss. Read the Elder Scrolls wiki to get up to speed.

Handy perks

These are utility perks that most characters can use. Some have prerequisite perks, but none require leveling the skill past 50.

• Unhindered (Light Armor) = Lighten your load means you can carry more and you don’t get fatigued as quickly.
• Extra Pockets (Pickpocketing) = Increase carrying capacity by 100? Yes please.
• Haggling, Merchant, Bribery, and Persuasion (Speech) = Haggling and Merchant equal more money, Bribery and Persuasion allow you to keep that money or at least your freedom.
• Cushioned (Heavy Armor) = Great for the occasional misstep.
• Quick Reflexes (Block) = I haven’t tested this myself, but a slow-time effect while blocking would be handy even if you’re a caster.
• Magic Resistance (Alteration) = Takes the edge off those nasty fireballs.
• Recovery, Regeneration, and Respite (Restoration) = Heal stamina and health simultaneously? Faster magicka regen? More healing? Yes, yes, and more yes.
• Impact, Intense Flames (Destruction) = Impact, which staggers enemies when you hit them with a dual-cast Destruction spell, is the sweeter of the two. Intense Flames only works with fire spells.
• Stealth (Sneak) = 20% harder to detect while sneaking is quite nice especially on Thieves Guild quests (Thanks, Jay!)
• Eagle Eye (Archery) = Also good for scouting, surveilliance, and spying (Thanks, Jay!)

Kellwin and I married in March 2001. She had just graduated college, I had half a semester left. We wanted children, but not immediately. So we practiced safely. After a few years, we were in a better position to start a family, so we changed from practicing to trying. After a couple years of trying unsuccessfully and not caring, we started trying with a purpose. More trying, medical consultations, and diligence resulted in a 10-year anniversary present to ourselves.

Eleanor is a lucky girl. She’s the first grandchild for both sets of grandparents; yay for doting. I am an only child, so my parents dote on her with full intensity. They also bore down on me to provide grandchildren, but that’s beside the point. Now that I think of it, she’s the first born of the first born of the first born of the first born: my dad’s mom is the first and only, my dad is the first of three, I’m a first and only, and she’s my first. Oh, and my mom is a first born, too. Kellwin is the youngest of two; her older brother does not have kids yet, but he and his wife are working on them.

How we found out

My wife bought a GroupOn for a therapuetic massage in March. However, she decided to pass on it and gave it to me. The Thursday prior, Kellwin texts me that this round of trying was unsuccessful; “Negative. It didn’t go in. Just impacted on the surface.”

So on the Tuesday in question, I arrive at the therapeutic massage spa place thingy about 15 minutes early. I wait in the car, listening to music, when my phone rings. It’s my wife.

Kellwin: (Panicked) Oh my God, Lyr!
Lyraat: (Thinking to himself) Fuck. What’s wrong? Car accident? Dog died? Family member in the hospital? Time to nut up. (To wife) What’s wrong?
Kell: Sowe’regoingtotriviatonightandbeforeIstarteddrinkingIjustwantedtomakesurethatthismonthwasanogosoItookatestanditcameoutblue!!!
Lyr: Err…
Kell: We’re pregnant!
Lyr: (Dumbfounded)
Kell: Say something!
Lyr: (Dumbfounded)
Kell: (Excited, starting to get annoyed with husband)
Lyr: …Wait, um.
Kell: We’re going to have a baby!
Lyr: But…I thought…
Kell: Oopsie!
Lyr: Good thing you checked before our bi-weekly boozefest with a side of trivia.

We decided to beg out of trivia (“Bro-in-law, we’re skipping trivia tonight.” “Aww. Something wrong?” “Er, everything’s fine, situation normal!”), but, because the GroupOn massage was prepaid and the spa would not reschedule a GroupOn, I would get my rub down. Still in shock and attempting to process this life-changing info, I walked into the spa and tried to enjoy the massage. The very attractive masseuse was very skilled, yet although the massage was excellent, I could not relax. “I’m going to be a dad…I’m going to be a dad?…I’m going to be a dad!…Dad, daddy, father, which one suits me best?…” Such questions preoccupied my mind, preventing me from fully succumbing to the gloriousness that is a great massage.

At the end of the massage, I’m physically a giant blob of freshly-rubbed jelly, but mentally I’m still trying to adjust to the life-altering news I received an hour ago. Happy, confused, relaxed, tense, restful, restless, I felt myself contradicting myself. I rarely feel vulnerable; this was one of those times. The very attractive masseuse picked this exact moment to lean over my limp body and whisper, “Do you know what the secret of this place is…?”

What I thought: Holy shit woman! First, I’m married, very happily so. If I was single, this conversation would be different. But I distinctly remember saying “my wife” multiple times, and “my wife bought this massage for me” at least once. Oh, and the ring on my finger is not just for looks. I’m a good husband. Second, I just—JUST—found out that I am going to be a father. I’m still processing that not insubstantial bit of LIFE-CHANGING info. Screwing with my mind is not wanted right now. Maybe at another massage session I will be more open to mind games, but not right now. Third, I thought this was a therapeutic massage spa, not a sleazy “therapeutic” massage parlor. Fourth, could you move away from my midsection? Hovering over the one clothed area of my body after asking that question makes me nervous. Fifth…Tempt me not, skilled and attractive masseuse. I LOVE MY WIFE!

What I said: “Uh…”

What she said: “The doorknobs. They don’t work. You just push the doors open. Go ahead and get dressed. I’ll wait outside.”

The pregnancy

Physically, the pregnancy was uneventful. Kellwin did not have morning sickness at all. A little queasiness every so often and heartburn in the third trimester (“Hmm. Heartburn again. Best cure for such a burn? Ice cream!”), but no oral donations to the porcelain goddess. She was healthy until the end (see next post.) The most frustrating problem for Kellwin was how little she showed. Even in her eighth month, people said she did not look pregnant. She looked pregnant to friends and family, who knew what she looked like prior. Strangers didn’t see the baby bump, I guess.

We did not tell anyone for six weeks, and then we only told our parents and bro- and (not yet) sis-in-law. My parents kind of guessed after I requested a Skype session with them. We talk about once a week on the phone, but we hadn’t Skyped in over 18 months. For me to request a Skype session was more than a little foreshadowing. Still, they were overjoyed to hear the news. We took our in-laws to dinner to tell them. My mother-in-law squeed and my father-in-law would periodically stop and chuckle to himself.

Funny story: The most difficult instance of keeping our most glorious secret ever was a couple weeks after we found out. We met Kellwin’s family for lunch at a local Mexican restaurant. Before the pregnancy, Kellwin would indulge in a drink or two when we went out with friends; social drinking ftw. My sis- and mother-in-law had margaritas, but Kellwin abstained. “I’m not feeling up for alcohol today.” She got some curious looks, but no one suspected anything.

I missed the first ultrasound (work sucks), but saw plenty of pictures and movies (yay technology.) While the procedure is rather boring as far as medical procedures go, the results are the most exciting and anticipated of all procedures. Six weeks’ bake time and the bun is barely starting to form. Even at max magnification, she was little more than a tiny white blob. Yet she had a heartbeat and was visible on the screen. That was enough to stop our hearts.

Funny story: In early March, Kellwin signed up for a zumba class at our gym. Her trainer was also the class instructor. She attended a couple classes before conception and one more afterwards. As zumba is a very vigorous activity, doctors suggest that pregnant women avoid it. Kellwin was a bit unhappy as she enjoyed the classes, and she had paid for a full 10-week session but would only get three classes out of it. So she went to her trainer…

Kellwin: Hey, Shelly. I have some bad news: I have to drop out of the zumba classes.
Shelly: (thinking then light bulb) Oh my God! You’re pregnant! Congratulations!
Kellwin and Lyraat: (dumbfounded)
Kellwin: How…?
Lyraat: Are you psychic?

Shelly found out before any one else that we were having a baby, but she deduced it. How? Kellwin had told her that we were working on kids and that she was excited about the zumba class. So what would make Kellwin drop out of the class? Only something that would prevent her from taking the class, such as a baby. We were amazed.

Restrictions

I was surprised by all the restrictions imposed on my wife during the pregnancy. Oh sure, no alcohol and heavy lifting, but there are a lot more than that. Below is a non-comprehensive list of restricted items. There are so many, I’m sure I’m missing some. And because I don’t like being sued, these are recommendations given to us by my wife’s doctor. Consult your doctor when making medical decisions.

Food

• Alcohol: I was the Alcohol Nazi. No booze for you! This only became frustrating when Kellwin went to her sister-in-law’s bachelorette party. She planned, funded, and organized the extravaganza, but could not partake in all the frivolities. She had fun, but would have liked to have had a drink or three with her friends.
• Raw and undercooked food: Kellwin loves her sushi. But raw food, especially raw meat, is verboten. If the food is contaminated (listeria being the major bad bug), the mother may experience mild intestinal discomfort. The fetus, however, may die. So Kellwin abstained from sushi for nine months. She even avoided it when we went to this great Asian buffet by her parents house. Undercooked food, such as medium rare steaks, are also verboten. Well done steaks make Kellwin sad, so no steaks for preggers Kellwin.
• Fish: Due to mercury, some types of fish are off the pregnancy menu. Shark, marlin, and, most notably for Americans, tuna are all way too high in mercury for expectant mothers or hardcore sushi-loving actors. Can’t even eat tuna, the only food better canned than fresh.
• Processed, preserved meats: Two issues here. First, listeria. If improperly handled, processed meat may become contaminated. Any food can become contaminated, yes, but bacteria love meat. Second, nitrates. Most cured meat products contain nitrates, a preservative which kills botulism. For the fetus and newborn, however, nitrates can cause developmental problems and “blue baby syndrome”. So off the pregnancy menu came bacon, lunch meat, sausage, ham, hot dogs, prosciutto, smoked turkey legs, lox. Kellwin craves Von Hanson’s old fashioned, skin-on hot dogs during the summer. Her doctor said she could have her hot dogs provided that she eat them with an acidic beverage (orange juice, e.g.) because the acid in the beverage counteracts the nitrates. Can’t have it everyday, but once in while isn’t terrible. Still, this was the most troublesome restriction. She ordered salads that had bacon bits on them, sandwiches were out, the state fair foods almost made her cry (thankfully cheese curds were not restricted.) Not fun. We did find nitrate-free bacon, which was surprisingly tasty and only a couple bucks more than the cheap stuff.
• Caffeine: Some studies say caffeine is okay, others say it’s not; we erred on the side of caution. Since Kellwin doesn’t drink coffee or soda, and only rarely has tea, we avoided the issue and caffeine.
• Artificial sweeteners: Again, the medical literature is conflicting, and again we sided with caution. However, unlike caffeine, Kellwin ingests a decent amount of artificial sweeteners: we like diet drinks. Luckily, there are alternatives, namely real sugar. Shocking that the natural stuff is better for soon-to-be-mom than the unnatural stuff.
• Unpasteurized milk and cheese: Listeria again. Not a huge deal as we don’t unpasteurized milk or cheese made from unpasteurized milk. It came up once, we dealt with it and moved on with life.

Non-food restrictions

• Baths: Bathing in water above body temperature is bad. Hot baths may relax the mom, but the reduction in blood flow to the fetus means the baby gets stressed. Another tough renunciation for Kellwin, who lists “reading in the tub” as one of her favorite activities. She took a couple tepid baths, but tepid baths are not as much fun as hot baths.
• Exercise: Heavy lifting is fairly obvious, but any vigorous activity is discouraged. Expectant mothers can and should exercise, they have to do so without racing the heart. Walking, good; running marathons, not so much. This became frustrating later in the pregnancy as Kellwin wanted to exercise, but her expanding abdomen reminded her she shouldn’t.
• Smoking: Not an issue for us as no one in the family smokes.
• Cats: There’s a nasty bug that cats can carry if they eat feces and dirt. Contact with kitty litter is strictly forbidden. We have dogs, but Kellwin’s brother has 1, 2, 3 cats (he and his wife had one cat at the start of the pregnancy, and added two more before the end.) Contact with their cats was unavoidable. We shrugged and avoided the litter boxes.
• Bike riding: Casual, relaxed bike riding is fine…except when you tell your husband that you had a couple accidents last summer. Yeah, no more biking for you, soon-to-be-mom.
• Travel: Specifically travel in the third trimester. Just not a good idea. Annalla and Kailee were kind enough to suffer our three dogs so Kellwin did not have to board a plane.

Remembering all these restrictions was perhaps the most difficult aspect of them. Many a tasty-sounding recipe was nixed because it required a forbidden ingredient. We understand that the risk to the baby are extremely low in most cases, but the problem with risk is that there’s always a chance: one in a thousand means one person in a thousand gets (un)lucky. We did not want to be that one.

Many of these restrictions are new (at least were implemented years after our parents had us), and the effects of the restricted items are not readily apparent. My wife and I, being inexperienced in these matters, accepted them. They seemed logical and many we could easily excise from our lives for a few months. Our parents, being experienced, did not fully accept them. The nitrate issue, in particular, was difficult for our parents to accept: “We ate lunch meat and bacon while carrying you, and you turned out just fine!” These restrictions seemed reasonable to us, and what we gave up temporarily was worth an increased chance of a healthy child. Not to say we’re risk averse (“Pogo licked the pacifier.” “Don’t care. She’s screaming. Give it to her.”), we take risks in which the benefit outweighs the risk. No alcohol or sushi for nine months to improve our child’s chances in life? Done.

Home Birth

Kellwin had heard about The Business of Being Born, a documentary on natural birth at home (produced by Ricki Lake.) We were curious, so we hit up Netflix and watched it. It was a documentary in the style of Michael Moore; that is, it was propaganda in the guise of a documentary. But whereas Moore uses facts and hard evidence (albeit skewed in his favor), this “documentary” eschewed such trivialities and went with scare tactics and personal stories. The basic thrust of the show is that the medical profession treats child birth as something to be controlled, managed, and exploited. For thousands of years, the mother had control over the process. But in modern times, women cede control of the birth process to doctors, who want to manage the process to their benefit. Not the mother’s or the baby’s benefit, but the doctor’s. The show offered alternatives to today’s standard procedure, namely natural childbirth aided by a midwife and/or doula. We watched a woman deliver a baby at home with the assistance of a midwife. We also saw Ricki Lake give birth to a child at home in a bathtub. The director interviewed various home birth advocates, and showed the differences between a home birth and hospital birth.

I’m not a fan of home births. Several years ago, a friend of mine had his first kid in a kiddie pool in his living room. The idea of a pool of bodily fluids diluted in 50 gallons of water spilling in my house…Or running a hose to the curb and draining said pool…Yeah, I’ll pass, thanks. The other portion of the program—“Yay for midwives!”: I think midwives are great, but, like any tool or resource, they need to be used properly. In low-risk childbirths, like the births we saw in the video, midwives and home births are an excellent, low-cost alternative to hospitals. But they cannot handle every situation. Like my wife’s ob/gyn’s boss said to us in the hospital, “When things go wrong, midwives turn to us [doctors].” Midwives know when problems go beyond their pay grade, yet traveling between home and hospital in the middle of a medical emergency can have devastating consequences. As my wife and I found out, seconds count. Home births work for some, but not for us.

I tried to keep an open mind during the film, but the filmmakers tried to slant the facts too far in their direction. Of course, I’ve never seen a documentary or propaganda piece so completely negate its own message as this one did. The director becomes pregnant a couple months into the project. She happily signs on with the midwife she’s been following, plans out her home birth, squees with Ricki Lake over the home birth process. Then, at 28 weeks, something happens. We’re never told what went wrong, only that the midwife rushed to the hospital for an emergency C-section. “Every mother should have a home birth with a midwife at her side…except when she can’t.”

The movie’s postscript reminded me why philosophical stances can be ruinous. The director was interviewed at her house several months later, her happy, healthy baby boy merrily playing with his toys. She seemed depressed that her birth wasn’t how she had dreamed it would be. Fair enough. But she was so distraught over her non-ideal birth that seemed to not love her child. You don’t love your child just because your birth was what you hoped for? Do you realize that your child would be dead had you not gone to the hospital when you did? Do you realize that you might be dead had you not gone to the hospital when you did? My child’s birth was decidedly non-ideal, but we still love her with all our hearts. Stop being a short-sighted idealist and start being a loving mother.

Preparations

With my bro-in-law’s wedding on October 1st, my wife and I went proactive and got our major baby preparations done early. We bought the baby furniture, had several family work days, and dealt with as many baby-related issues as we could over the summer. Stressful, to be sure (“I am NOT painting the room again! Twice is enough!”), but our preparations paid dividends later. Still, we felt a little odd shopping for baby stuff when Kellwin was barely showing. We got some great deals and quizzically suspicious looks. By mid-August, Eleanor’s room was 90% complete; all that remained were small things that would have to wait until the baby shower in October.

We’re very proud of Eleanor’s room. We think it’s very fun and age-appropriate. And it gives us a reason to showcase all our stuffed animals (other than the obvious “because we can!”). Adults can have stuffies. I’m no less of a man because I curl up in bed with Patwrick the Pup every night. I like cute things, I’m not ashamed. We were surprised at the wall decals’ ease of installation. Peel and stick. The hardest part was not tearing them when peeling them from the paper.

September

Insanity.

Our friends Annalla and Kailee arrived for our second annual get-together over Labor Day weekend. Friday the 2nd, Kellwin’s aunt Jeanne was rushed to the hospital. She had been ill since May 2010, but had been improving for a few months. Hearing that she was in intensive care was kind of a mood killer for our get-together, but she was alert and doing okay. The family told us to enjoy our friends, Jeanne would pull through. So we did. We had our fun (State Fair virgins, woo!), making the most of what Kellwin and I considered our last vacation as kids/non-parents. Labor Day brought us back to reality when the family said Jeanne would not pull through. We saw Kailee to the airport then rushed back to the hospital (Annalla graciously babysat the dogs.) That was not a fun day. The following days were spent with family as we began the grieving process. She passed away on the 8th. That weekend, we spent sorting her affairs and estate: bills, bank accounts, credit cards, medical records, taxes, life insurance, retirement accounts. Ugh. Making matters worse was that my bro-in-law was named the executor of the estate. His wedding was on October 1st, so the many last-minute arrangements that needed to be finalized (such as hiring an officiant, making reception table centerpieces, finalizing headcounts, ordering the cake…did I mention my Damon and Kelly procrastinated?) were delayed in order to handle Jeanne’s affairs. Instead of weekend wedding work days, we had weekend and weekday wedding work days and evenings. More than a few times, I called Kellwin asking to which location I should drive from work, Jeanne’s, Damon’s, or our house. And did I mention that Kellwin was seven months pregnant and she was the maid of honor and we were still raiding two nights a week and working and [I know I’m missing something else here, oh well]? Can’t forget all that. The 17th was Kelly’s wedding shower, and the 24th was the bachelorette party. Translation: the 17th was the stuffy, tea-and-crumpets family affair; the 24th was the drinking-and-dancing free-for-all for the ladies. Guess which one my very-pregnant wife organized? Yup, the boozefest. Kelly did promise a boozefest in the spring for my wife. The week preceding the wedding was all wedding, all the time. Kellwin took Thursday afternoon and all of Friday off to prepare for the matrimonial onslaught. I wanted to help more, but time with first born baby trumped wedding prep time. Our hard work paid off as the wedding was an awesome, fantastic blast, exhaustion and horrible rental tux shoes be damned.

Whew.

We don’t speak about September. I don’t think either of us ever experienced as stressful a month. School had its moments, work is cyclical, but the personal nature of these stressors kept them in our minds the whole month. Felt unrelenting, draining.

After the wedding comes the baby. With the wedding in our rearview, Kellwin and I went into full baby mode.

Registration

Because people like celebrating births with gifts, we headed to Babies ‘R’ Us to register. As mentioned above, we had already bought the big furniture items, but we still had a lot to buy. We are cautious buyers. We research our purchases and mull our decisions. The larger the investment, the more weighty the decision, the longer the mulling. We came prepared: we knew what we needed, brought a couple “what to buy for baby” books, and had even done a reconnaissance trip in early July. Babies ‘R’ Us even gave us a list and 10-minute registration consultation.

But still [Insert audio clip of Illidan’s famous saying here.]

With scanner in hand, we headed towards the shelves. First stop: car seats. And then the panic set in. We expected a few options. We got dozens. What features are useful? Extraneous? Will this fit into both cars (one of which we had, the other we had yet to buy; see below)? How easy is it to install? Remove? What’s the safety rating? Durability rating? How adjustable is it; that is, will it fit both a small baby and a big child? Does it feel sturdy? Are the fabrics soft and comforting? Is the design attractive? Will the pattern hide the inevitable stains? Just a sample of the questions we asked on car seats, which was the first item on our list of several dozen.

To be honest, we had no idea what we wanted/needed. We never used these products before. We had no basis for our preferences other than what we think we would like, what we reasoned would be best. Having no experience with babies meant having nothing on which to base our decisions. We didn’t know what we would need. All the baby gear lists were recommendations: we might use the stuff regularly, occasionally, once, or not at all, we had no idea. But we’re not the kind of people to give up and decide on products at random. We have a process and we’re going to stick to it, damnit! We’ve got nothing better to do today, this needs to be done, let’s do this!

Five hours later…

And we’re spent. So much baby stuff, my eyes bled pastel for a week. We thought registration would be fun—“We get to pick out cute baby stuff for people to buy for us! Yay!”—but instead it was an ordeal. Overwhelming and exhausting.

We learned that there are five types of shoppers at Babies ‘R’ Us:

• Expectant browsers: Expectant parents (usually late first/early second trimester) who wander the store and squeeing at all the cute baby stuff. Time in store: 30 minutes to an hour.
• Registrants: Weary soon-to-be parents (late second/early third trimester) burning a weekend afternoon scanning stuff. Time in store: 3-6 hours.
• Experienced parents: Focused parents, with or without kids dangling off them, zipping in, buying the one thing they need, and zipping out. Time in store: under five minutes.
• Gift-givers: Friends of expectant parents who plod through the store, gift registry in hand, trying to find the one, perfect gift. Time in store: 10-30 minutes depending on how patient they are.
• Grandparents: Two classes of grandparents. One class strolls the aisles, grabbing all the cute clothes. The other harries their children, chiding them for failing at raising their grandchildren while practicing poor child-rearing skills themselves. Time in store: all day for the first, until the new parent(s) collapse for the second.

Epilogue: What percentage of the stuff we registered for and received or bought have we used? 75-80%. On a regular basis? 33-40%. Some items were scanned with the understanding we wouldn’t use them until spring or summer. Many items got a few uses then put away. Only a few items were once-and-done or even none-and-done, so we feel good about having registered effectively.

Baby class

As our combined baby-raising experience totaled zero, we enrolled in a “how to birth and raise a human” class. We had read several books on the subject, but there’s a difference between reading and practicing. Also, we can’t ask a book to clarify or explain further, and there are lots of details in the process. We opted for the two-day class instead of the seven weekday evenings. The class was at our hospital and had about 12 couples. Well, 11 couples and one single mother.

(We felt bad for her as all 11 couples were married. No engagements, boy/girlfriend, or any other situation that might have made her feel more comfortable, given her someone to talk to. My wife and I don’t care what type of relationship the parents have so long as both are caring and devoted parents. Single parents have it rough already. Watching a bunch of married couples learn to become parents while you learn with your older, married friend? Yeah, not the most pleasant of experiences for her.)

We were on the later side of the due dates. The class was in mid-October and most couples were due in 3-6 weeks; the range was 10 weeks out to one week past the due date. We were about 6 weeks before B-Day.

The class was quite informative. Part Lamaze, part anatomy and physiology, part developmental psychology, all very interesting. The instructor did an excellent job keeping us entertained while teaching us what we needed to know, a good mix of facts and anecdotes. We learned what the hospital experience would be like, what the birth process entailed, we watched a couple birthing videos (36 hours of labor and then a C-section? Poor woman), toured the hospital’s birthing and recovery floors, practiced some birthing positions and breathing techniques, discussed C-sections and possible birthing problems, spoke with a pediatrician about common baby issues (Who knew pediatricians were present at the birth? Makes sense, just something not mentioned in any of the books we read), and had a quick overview of how to care for our newborn. A little overwhelming—Kellwin gets mad props for forcing the baby books on me otherwise I’d have drowned in the class—but we felt so much more prepared after having taking the class.

What surprised me the most was how little people knew of the birthing process. The instructor asked questions and no one answered. She showed pictures and diagrams and the class stared blankly or, in the case of the birth video, stared with saucer eyes and horrified looks. I don’t know whether this is an indictment of public schools’ sex education, people being unfamiliar with childbearing, people not studying for the event of their lives, students afraid of answering incorrectly, or adults grasping the reality of their soon-to-be situation.

Funny story: We were late on Sunday and we noticed there were two fewer chairs than the previous day. The instructor explained that a mom went into labor that night, three weeks earlier than expected. We did the math: they were six weeks ahead of us, three weeks earlier than expected, which would be like us having our baby in three weeks. [Insert audio clip of Illidan’s famous saying here.]

This brings us to the end of October, due date about one month away. There’s a couple things yet to come before the birth, but since they are more birth-related, they’ll be in the next post.

We got new credit cards last week and had been procrastinating/avoiding/stalling/whatever on this. It was bound to happen sooner or later. Kellwin cancelled her subscription a couple days ago. I had some free time tonight, so I logged on, parked my characters in the most appropriate inn, and sealed my account’s fate.

Lyraat got a little more love than my other alts. I transmogged my shoulders and ranged weapon (Gronnstalker’s and Golden Bow of Quel’Thalas, respectively), few to the Exodar on my Purple Netherdrake, rode up the ramp on my Purple Elekk, hugged Snarley one last time, and logged off.

Will I return? Possible. Maybe. Highly unlikely that I’ll return to my previous level of activity. Who knows what the future holds.

Because I was curious…

• Lyraat = 239 days, 2 hours
• Lirrat = 19 days, 2 hours
• Ninek = 3 days, 21 hours
• Thorler (my bank alt) = 1 day, 15 hours
• Other alts (yes, I have other alts) = 2 days, 1 hour

Total /played = 265 days, 17 hours

Changes:

• The layout has been changed. I kept the same theme for three years (yes, this WoW blog is that old. I didn’t do much with it for the first six months of its existence.) I changed the theme last week, and just changed it again. Like Ramona Flowers’s hair color, expect the theme to change on my whim for the next couple months until I settle on something.
• The LFM Fail Stories page has been moved to the Old Stuff page. I don’t play, so no new stories.
• I redid the post categories. Before, they were (almost) all WoW-related. Now, they better reflect what the site will be about.
• The Guide to 9000 Achievement Points received its final update. I will leave the guide up until WoW 5.0 drops, at which point it will be moved to the Old Stuff folder. Why? 1. I’m not playing any more and will not play MoP; 2. If MoP adds the same amount of achievement points as Cata did, fewer than half of the total points will be needed to get the feat of strength, which makes a guide fairly useless.

A little sad to think the guide is done. Been working on that since Wrath. Keeping it updated and useful was difficult, yet worth the effort. “I’m missing one dungeon and raid achievement!” “Why can’t anyone make an exportable list of achievements? Is that so fucking hard?!” “Seriously, Blizzard: hiding individual achievements under the highest moves you on today’s DIAF list.” I *cough* may have gotten frustrated and flustered at times. But like much of my life right now, time to transition away and into the next big project.

Upcoming posts:

• Baby story, part 2: the birth
• Skyrim review
• WoW memories/memoirs
• Annual “Year X -> Year X+1″

Redo the foundation, resume building.

I have a big post brewing about our babeh’s birth adventure, but in the meantime, enjoy this post on how we decided our little one’s name.

***

Nobody told us picking a name would be so hard.

We never got into names before we got pregnant. We would muse about a name if we ran into a notable one, but never in-depth thoughts or discussions about what we would name our children. We named a dog and two guinea pigs, so we had some practice in the Name Another Living Thing department. But people are different. Names have powerful effects on people. They are part of your identity, they give you an identity, a personality before you establish one. People react to you differently based on your name. Naming a child is a huge responsibility, and we took it very seriously.

Funny story: My father-in-law told every woman on the first date that his first son would be named Damon, and, if they didn’t like that name, there would not be a second date. My mother-in-law confirmed this.

First rule: Nobody but us would know her name before she was born. People could offer suggestions, but we didn’t want people vetting our name choice. Several family members work(ed) in schools, so they have seen lots of kids. We wanted to avoid the “You can’t name your baby X because there was this X who was a real brat!” problem. Yes, this ruffled some familial feathers. No, we didn’t care. This is our child, not theirs.

Funny story: To tease our parents and subtly/passive-aggressively tell them to butt out of the child naming process, we told both parental unit pairs that we found the perfect names: Einar if male, Gidget if female. These were randomly selected from names that we both considered comical, neither Kellwin nor I knew an Einar or a Gidget, pure fun and games. This went over…well, not so well with my mom…

Mom: So, any more on the names?
Me: (deadpan) Yes, actually. Einar if a boy, Gidget if a girl.
Mom: (silence)
Me: You disapprove?
Mom: Einar is okay. Weird, but it’s your child. But not Gidget. Besides I thought you weren’t telling us the names.
Me: We changed our minds. Why not Gidget?
Mom: Well, growing up my mom [who was not the nicest person] encouraged my reading and allowed me to read anything, even adult fiction. But she absolutely forbade me from reading the Gidget series. So of course I did. They were the only things I ever hid from my mom. One day, she found them and yelled at me, “Why are you reading this garbage?!” I said, “I know they’re garbage, but I kinda like them.”

So go me for opening old scars via innocent joviality. This is up there with a conversation I had in gchat in <E X A L T E D>… “I feel sick.” “Pregnant.” “No, I had an abortion last month. It’s not that.” No, seriously, ask Kellwin. She was there. Who’s got two thumbs and felt like the biggest d-bag ever? This guy. Luckily for me, my mom and the woman both forgave for my trespasses; how was I to know mom had a weirdness related to Gidget or the woman had an abortion the previous month?

Second rule: The criteria…

• Unique but not obscure, known but not trite = We wanted a name that people knew, but was not the nom du jour; something in the top 250, but not the top 50.
• Not a family member’s name = Our families are not large, so repeating a name would be awkward. 
• Clearly pronounceable upon reading = As lovely as Caelan or Masiela are, the average American doesn’t know how to pronounce them. That’s a problem, one with which I am intimately familiar (though it bothers Kellwin more than me.)
• Gender identifying = No Pat’s or Chris’s. 
• Common spellings = No Meshyll or Ribeckah’s.
• Preferences: Classic, elegant with fun nickname possibilities

During the pregnancy, we ran through thousands of names. Both of us had baby name apps on our phones and would periodically scroll through a couple hundred. With so many names, if we didn’t immediately love the name, we skipped it. Seriously: if a name wasn’t a 9 or better, we moved on. Luckily girl names are better than boy names (mostly because there are so many girl names than boy names), yet selecting the qualifiers was difficult.

Aside: Boy names are underwhelming. We found a few candidates, but both of us were unpleasantly surprised at the quality of boy names compared to girl names. Girl names derived from anything and everything: Biblical and historic persons, flowers, virtues, gems, goddess, colors, and more. Boy names, however, seemingly all derive from Biblical or historic persons. Every language has their variants of John, Paul, Peter, and Alexander. Throw in a few culturally unique names and there’s your set of boy names. Lame. My name? As far as I can tell, my parents made it up. I like it.

In August, we had our list narrowed to about 10 semi-finalists. We test-drove each semi-finalist by referring to the baking bun as that name for a week. Some names lasted the whole week, some lasted a few minutes. We winnowed the list to five finalists:

• Eleanor
• Freya
• Helen
• Natasha
• Sabrina

Kellwin and I were stumped. We liked all of them equally. They all test-drove well, they met our criteria (except one, more on that below), and they even passed the yell criteria (scream the full name as though the child had just broken a vase.) So we broke down and asked for familial assistance. I know, we’re weak, but we just couldn’t decide on our own. We needed help, guidance, anything to push one ahead or below the other names. We polled our two sets of parents and my bro- and sis-in-law. The results, in short: everyone liked all the names, Eleanor was a near-unanimous top choice, Freya was questioned and ranked low by most, the other three were muddled.

So what’s up with Freya? It violates three of the criteria. The name is rare/unknown to most Americans, pronunciation is not immediately inferred upon reading, and there are several spellings. I’ll admit, it was my favorite, which is why it made it to the finals. WoW fans will scream “You must really love Ulduar, Lyr.” And while they would be correct, that’s not why I like it. First, I think it’s pretty. Second, Kellwin and I knew a Freya in college, so we’re familiar with the name; it’s not unknown to us. Plus, it’s one of the most popular names in Britain. In addition, we live in mini-Scandinavia (aka Minnesota.) If any state in the union is going to be familiar with the name of a Norse goddess, it’s going to be ours. Third, our little one was quite feisty during her gestation and I thought she might be war-like when she grew up. Why not give her a name to match her personality? Fourth, imagine this scene…

Little girl 1: What does your name mean?
Little girl 2: “Pretty one” in Spanish. And yours?
Little girl 1: That’s nice. Mine means, “Little rock.” My parents said they loved Arkansas. What about you?
Freya: I’m the goddess of love, beauty, war, and death. KNEEL BEFORE MY AWESOME!

So although it broke some rules, Freya had enough inherent win to overcome those problems and become a finalist.

After tallying the votes and enjoying our fathers’ interesting and amusing comments, we had a leader—Eleanor—but weren’t ready to commit. We wanted to wait until we saw her before making the selection final.

Not that seeing her mattered. I mean, I suppose some babies look more like one name than another, but babies look quite similar to each other. Only until later in life do we look like a name.

An aside: How weird is it that people look like a name? I worked with a person once named Sarah, but everyone in the office said she looked like a Kim. Sarah even mentioned that people often told her she looked like a Kim. What does a “Kim” look like? How did we in the office—and we had very different backgrounds—all think Sarah looked like a Kim? Where is this archetypal Kim that we somehow all knew? Do I look like a name other my own? Sarah seemed accepting of her name doppelganger, but how must she have felt to know she didn’t look like herself? Just a strange concept.

But we waited, much to the chagrin of our families. We waited a day so Kellwin wouldn’t be as loopy. We went over the finalists one last time before making our decision.

My favorite picture of my daughter

Raiding: After nearly four years of constant raiding, I am hanging up the crossbow. Sunday the 6th was our last night. Kellwin, who hasn’t raided an entire night in almost a month, hopped on and said her goodbyes before the raid began. I helped get our raid’s first H-Majordomo kill, subbed out for Ragnaros, and said my goodbyes when the raid ended.

Closing this chapter in our lives was sad. All the friends we made, the struggles we endured, the triumphs we shared…All memories now. Well, not all our friends, but we just won’t seem them as often nor will we make any more raiding memories with them. We will miss the camaraderie the most. Some people have bar buddies, some have reading circles, some have Facebook friends, we had raidmates and guildmates. Luckily we live in the era of social media, so our friends are never that far away. Yet without that twice/thrice-weekly get-together, the relationships will change. Life moves ever onward.

The final line…

Karazhan: 11/11
Serpentshrine Cavern: 4/5, 5/5 post-3.0 nerf
Tempest Keep: ¾, 4/4 post-3.0 nerf
Mount Hyjal: 4/5, 5/5 post-BC
Black Temple: 4/9, 9/9 post-3.0 nerf
Zul’Aman (original): 6/6, 3 chests
Sunwell: 0/6, 6/6 post-BC
Naxxramas: 14/14 10m, 14/14 25m
Sartharion’s Lair: +3D 10m, +3D 25m
Malygos: 10m and 25m
Tier 7 drakes: No on both 10m and 25m
Ulduar: 13/13 10m, Yogg+3, Yogg+1 post-tier; 13/13 25m Yogg+3, Yogg+1 post-tier
Tier 8 drakes: Yes on both 10m and 25m
Trial of the Crusader: 5/5 10N, 4/5 10H, 5/5 10H post-tier; 5/5 25N, 4/5 25H, 5/5 25H post-tier
Onyxia’s Lair: 10m and 25m
Icecrown Citadel: 12/12 10N, 11/12 10H, 12/12 10H post-Wrath; 12/12 25N, 11/12 25H, 12/12 25H post-Wrath
Tier 10 drakes: Yes on both 10m and 25m
Vault of Archavon: 4/4
Blackwing’s Lair: 6/6 normal, 0/6 hard, 1/6 post-tier
Throne of the Four Winds: 2/2 normal, 0/2 hard
Bastion of Twilight: 4/4 normal, ¼ hard, ¼ post-tier
Tier 11 drakes: No
Firelands: 6/7 normal pre-Firelands nerf, 7/7 post-nerf normal, 4/7 hard mode post-nerf
Tier 12 drakes: No
Baradin’s Hold: 2/2

Transmogging: I gave up on it. Real life and WoW ennui intervened; I had neither the time nor desire to run MH/BT/SW for my Gronnstalker set. I have the shoulders, that’s all I care about (and they match my Firelands suit.) I still run Kara for Attumen’s mount and Legacy. Oh, I forgot: I have the fist weapons from Mt. Hyjal. And honestly, I like T12. I’m happy logging out in it.

Ninek notes

/played = 93.5 hours
Level 84
160 achievements
1645 achievement points
4522 HK’s

Whoa. Been over a month since I last regaled the WoW blogosphere with news of my little alt.

I’m officially terminating the project. Ninek has his XP locked at lvl 84 so I can blitz people in the 80-84 bracket. Whee!

At the close of the project, I was averaging just over 17.5 achievement points per hour played (17.59 pts/hr played). If I maintained this rate, I would reach 9000 achievement points in 511.7 hours, which is 21.3 days of play time. At 15 points/hour played, that number increases to 600 hours, which is 25 days of play time; at 12 pts/hr, 750 hours, which is 31.25 days; at 10 pts/hr, 900 hours, which is 37.5 days.

One month of play time seems reasonable based on those numbers. Fifteen points/hour played is tough to sustain: three ten-point achievements every two hours. Twelve is more doable: six ten-pointers every five hours. For some, that may sound insane, but for achievement junkies, it’s manageable.

I could have pushed more. Obviously, I could run dungeons: just doing the Classic and BC dungeons and raids nets me about 650 points. I could have worked harder on PvP achievements, I could have been more diligent about cooking and fishing dailies, I ignored my professions, I could pick up a couple mounts, I could have bought more companion pets, and heck, I could have gotten a haircut. Still, I think I pushed as hard as anyone trying for 9000 would.

Incoming Hate

The screenshot below is true. It has not been photoshopped in any way. Take a close look at the chat window, my achievement list, and the highlighted toolbar icon.

Yes, my project alt, who has never stepped foot into any dungeon, who cannot enter any Burning Crusade heroic dungeon, has the Reins of the Raven Lord.

How? Satchels.

Why? Because opening the satchels counts as looting them, so the gold inside is counted as gold looted, which contributes to my Got My Money on My Mind achievements. It’s one of the reasons why Lyraat is well on his way to the 100K GMMoMM achievement, the big reason why Ninek is almost to 1K, and the main reason I log in on my tank alt.

Random Ninek notes

• World events helped tremendously. Brewfest was a nice 100-point bump towards 9000 (110, if you count The Captain’s Booty world event achievement that occurred and was achieved during Brewfest.) I banked 190 points thanks to Hallow’s End. Sweet.
• I did Wintergrasp twice, my first WG battles since Cataclysm. What a change. Our server has about a 10:1 Alliance:Horde ratio, which is why I gave up on Tol Barad: I can never get into TB. Wintergrasp is still an option as it seems each side gets a minimum of five players regardless of how many the other side has. Ninek’s first Wintergrasp had five Alliance and zero Horde (I never saw any), and the second had five Alliance and three Horde. Twas a new experience being the low-level “n00b” in a PvP raid with 85’s fighting Horde 85’s. “I hope your backs are okay!” A little sad as I remember the epic Wintergrasp clashes, such as our first Wintergrasp battle on Sen’jin. My wife and I racked up over 300 honor kills each in that massive brawl. Wandering around a nigh-empty zone
• Misdirection, how did I miss thee? Let me count the ways. Better yet, let me round up one mob for each way I have missed thee, and I’ll MD them all to my bear. MD + iSrS + SrSpread + Multi + Thunderstomp = This is simply unfair.
• I locked my xp at 84 to run battlegrounds as I found the 80-84 bracket mimicked Wrath PvP the closest. The stat inflation nullifies the resilience on the higher end of the bracket, and lvl 80’s in PvP gear die quickly; 20K crit minus 33% is still nearly half of a well-geared lvl 80 PvPer’s total health. I like watching people explode.

Thoughts on random WoW topics

• Stat inflation: I say, leave the numbers as they are. The numbers at endgame don’t matter: be it 30K dps against a boss with 60M health, 2K against 4M, or 750K against 1.5B, it’s all the same. It’s not worth the effort to recalculate every item, mob, boss, and NPC in the game just to make the endgame numbers more manageable. Or, if the numbers are too much, go back and squash the item levels for raid drops at previous endgames. Don’t eliminate items, just drop the stats on all raid items to equal the items of the first tier of that expansion’s raids. For example, all Wrath raid items would become iLvl 226 items, be they from Naxx, Ulduar, ICC, etc. Going back to Classic and working from there, we might see a 150 iLvl drop on Cata items when MoP drops; Wrath alone added over 50 iLvls. Either way, though, it’s all relative.
• H-Ragnaros: Congrats to everyone who manages to kill him. Very impressive. Those whining about having to put in 300, 400, 500+ attempts…well, be careful what you wish for. Seems like every tier since Ulduar, there were people complaining about how easy hard modes were. Now we get a soul-killing boss, a boss that nearly broke the uberguilds, a boss that nobody can say was too easy, and people are complaining about H-Rag being too hard. Blizzard can’t win.
• Darkmoon Faire has some nice rewards, but it’s just another daily quest hub. Can’t do it. Don’t have the energy or desire.
• Congrats to Saeor who nabbed our guild’s first Dragonwrath yesterday. Yay!
• I used to love the Two Bosses Enter series, but it jumped the shark by having the Cardboard Assassin in Cata’s first tourney. WoW Insider should have known or at least guessed that the internet masses would troll the contest and push the dummy to victory; Sanjaya, anyone?
• I bought a Guardian Cub for just under 6K gold. A going-away present, if you will. I suspect more items such as this will appear in WoW and other games.

What now?

First, the baby. She’s coming very soon. Pics when I can.

After that, Skyrim. I would have slowed down on WoW anyway to play Skyrim. The full-stop means more time for the latest Elder Scrolls edition.

As for this site, I’ll do some revamping over the next few weeks. Not sure what it will look like, but it does need to be freshened up a bit. I’ve got some big, personal posts I’m grinding out, something along the lines of my WoW memoirs. Should be fun.

When Metzen announced the next expansion, I nearly screamed (I probably would have if I wasn’t at work when it was announced.) I spent my lunch hour pouring over every detail I could find on the new expansion, all while my mind yelled, “Pandas? Pandas?! PANDAS?!?!?!?!” There’s plenty more to MoP than pandas: no minimum range, account-wide achievements, companion pet fighting, epeen-stroking gear, a new continent with entirely new storylines, compete redo of talent trees, no more typecasting of hunter pets, heroic Scarlet Monastery, monks, no melee weapons for hunters, and more.

But let’s be honest: it’s the panda expansion, aka expandasion. And they are why I won’t be playing Mists of Pandaria.

Let’s start with the trailer…

We were there. When a world of limitless adventure opened up before us.
We rose defiantly against all those that threatened the peace of our kingdoms.
We ventured to a new, alien world and cast the lords of shadow and flame back into the abyss.
It was we who held the line as death itself rose like a tide to swallow everything we held dear.
We endured the breaking of the world and must now face the destroyer and end his cycle of destruction.
But soon, we will face a new chapter. An adventure unlike any we’ve known thus far. A mystery shrouded by superstition, a land of forgotten power and ancient magics, and a people that may well change the fate of us all.
For all the challenges we have faced, and all the places we have been, Azeroth’s limits have yet to be revealed.

Classic, BC, Wrath, Cataclysm. We faced indomitable evils and conquered them every time. Failure meant oblivion, annihilation for us all; Azeroth and Outland would succumb to tyrants. Now we head to somewhere we’ve not been before to…er, make friends with pandas, learn a new martial art, and explore? I’m a little confused: where’s the terrible evil? Where’s the Burning Legion? Undead? Insane dragon? Can we get even a Diet Coke of Evil, like an unappreciated former faction leader subordinate with a personality disorder, a stronghold, an army, and a grudge? These pandas “might” change our fates? Not exactly selling high, are we? And how have Azeroth’s limits not been revealed? The twice-sundered world is going to suffer yet again? Or has the Explorer’s League failed us epically and not sailed the oceans?

Why would I want to play this expansion?

I am disappoint, Blizzard.

Part of my disappointment stems from my situation. My wife and I will retire from raiding in a few weeks. Already she’s having difficulty sitting at the computer and focusing over the course of long fights (and heroic Firelands has some long fights.) My parents will be staying with us for a while, and I’d rather spend time with them than my raidmates (no offense, guys and gals.) And babies have their own timelines: December 1st is the due date, but normal delivery could be any time two weeks before or after. Our plan was to miss 4.3 (hop on every now and then, maybe try the new content, but nothing planned or serious) and return in the next expansion, assuming our lives would return to some sort of normalcy by then. Everyone starts over at each expansion, and we could go back and push over Deathwing at lvl 90. So when I heard that the next expansion was focused on the Pandaren, I was greatly disappointed, more so than I would have been if my life wasn’t radically changing very soon.

The announcement’s timing is curious, to put it mildly. Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim comes out next month, and Star Wars: The Old Republic drops in December. For RPG players like myself, these are two long-anticipated releases. Normally, Blizzard would counter such challenges to their throne with something enticing for players: a big patch released or news announcement around the time another MMO was released. I feel bad for how many times Blizzard cock-blocked LOTRO. What does Blizzard have to counter Skyrim and TOR? Maybe 4.3, not sure yet, and that will only hit one of those two games. The other game gets a free pass. For adult RPG players like myself, we could play one of these new, shiny, exciting, serious games or continue slogging through WoW knowing that in a few months we’ll be playing with pandas.

And that’s a big part of the problem. Why continue playing WoW when I know I won’t continue much further? I never finished Dragon’s Age: Origins because I knew that every minute spent playing DA:O was a minute I wasn’t playing WoW. I could be working on achievements, preparing for raids, running heroics for badges/capping VP, helping others. My gaming calendar always had WoW in it, and, because WoW is a game that rewards activity and punishes inactivity, I played WoW almost exclusively. Now that my calendar does not have WoW in it—even after our planned hiatus—I see no reason to continue. Already I find myself choosing other games over WoW to the point where I don’t log on some nights; amazing how fast burnout and disillusionment can siphon the energy and desire for something.

(An aside: I started playing Oblivion again to prepare myself for Skyrim. Before I picked up WoW, I played Oblivion. My WoW time bookended by the same game. The world works in mysterious ways.)

When I think of World of Warcraft, pandas are not included. Yes, they’re canon, I’m not debating that. The game I fell in love with—I never played the RTS games—does not have intoxicated pandas. The game I devoted my life to for four and a half years does not include giant sea turtles with entire societies on its back. The game I spend hours each day researching, studying, discussing, writing about does not include monks, bouncing, chi, Hozu, Verming, Shado-pan, Kun-Lai. But soon it will. I want the hard stuff, the adult drinks. I want dragons, demons, undead, vampires, traitors, horrors from the depths, rampaging elementals, mutants, old gods. I want serious evil with a side of humor. I don’t want cutesy with a hint of naughty. If I wanted a sugary, for-fun-only game, I’d play Hello Kitty: Island Adventure.

I am reminded of a quote by the director of the Blizzard cinematic team a while ago. They said that gnomes would never appear in official WoW cinematics because they weren’t epic enough. For me, pandas aren’t epic enough. They’re too silly, goofy compared to the other races. They seem like taller, chubbier dwarves. But dwarves are epic, hardcore, fearsome when they want to be. The Pandaren are chubby, fuzzy drunks; even their monk attacks involve alcohol-inspired movements. No part of that says epic to me. At least Gnomes build epic machines and are direct descendants of titan creations. Tauren and Worgen, the other animalistic races, are ferocious, serious, imposing, traits that give them an epic aura. Pick the animal you’d rather fight to the death: a bull, wolf, or panda. Draenei are another large-framed race, but, even though we may be goofy sometimes, thousands of years of running and fighting the Burning Legion have chiseled our demeanor and forged our resolve; epic is our plight and fight. The Pandaren have problems, yet their decidedly unchiseled frame leads me to believe their problems involve too much of a good thing.

(An aside: People have argued that Pandaren and Kung Fu Panda were developed independently of each, that they evolved convergently. I’m not sold. Somehow two different creative teams derived completely independent of each other that pandas who practice martial arts must be overweight and drunk? Color me skeptical. Heck, even “martial artist” and “fat”, excuse me, “bouncy” rarely apply to the same person. Look at the musculature of the other races. We’re all ripped. That’s what happens when you fight all day wearing armor. Perhaps they made Pandaren chubby to differentiate them from Dwarves, who are extremely well-defined.)

Speaking of too much, Blizzard did what Blizzard is wont to do: they went too far. Like their nerf/buff cycle, Blizzard decided that WoW had become too dark and wanted to lighten the mood in the patch. Also like nerfs/buffs, Blizzard went too far. There’s a fine line between comic relief and over-the-top silliness. C-3PO and R2-D2 are comic relief. Ewoks and Jar-Jar are over-the-top silliness. Gnomes wanting to be Worgen and Budd are comic relief. Pandaren are over-the-top silliness. Looking at this weird WoW creatures line up, Pandaren are the only race to be silly and the focus of an entire expansi–excuse me, expandasion. This is my line, yours may/will be different. 

Story is another big factor…

The Pandaren fought alongside the other Azerothian races until they decided to leave. As face terrible threats from other worlds, the frozen north, and below the ground, the Pandaren have been conspicuously absent. Why should we help you when you never helped us? What do we get for aiding you? The Forsaken seek to expand their borders, Garrosh remains as expansionist as ever, the Burning Legion is never far away, we need to secure and protect our borders. Why should we support those who have never helped us when we don’t have men to spare?

Surprisingly, Blizzard announced the new expansion, but did not name a prime evil. Illidan informed us of our lack of preparation, Wrath of the Lich King was self-explanatory, Deathwing was (re)introduced when Cataclysm was announced. No big baddie was named for Mists of Pandaria. How am I supposed to get enthused about a game when I don’t feel anything towards the last boss, when I don’t even know the last boss? I loved the build-up, the intensifying struggle that BC, Wrath, and Cata all had. The Lich King especially was a blast: besides being a great encounter, the story leading up to the Frozen Throne turned an epic fight into a legendary battle royale. The final boss of MoP will have some background, but we’re not going to see it for a long time. The anticipation will only begin when we start questing, if then. Yay? 

As a Draenei, I can’t help but wonder when we, the races of Azeroth, are going to stop this internecine squabbling and focus on defeating the Burning Legion. Sure, we need to secure Azeroth before focus our efforts on securing the rest of the universe. But when? This impending trip to Pandaria sounds like another delay in our assault on the Legion, and, more importantly, another campaign to wear down the armies of Azeroth. Yes, let’s kill each other to make the Legion’s job easier. Go us. Could we once be the aggressors instead of waiting around to die like we’ve done on so many other planets? We have friends and allies willing to help. Are some inebriated monks going to tip the tide, or are we just going to kill more of Azerothians while the Legion grows ever stronger?

Speaking of existing races, why not progress the current storylines? We have seven years and three expansions worth of stories. There are many loose ends, intriguing developments, rich characters that will go nowhere because we’re not going to be anywhere near them. The Draenei story especially has not progressed at all since BC. The Worgen were introduced in Cataclysm, but, aside from the Gilneas starter zone, we learned little about them. And everyone is recovering still from Deathwing’s emergence; we saved Azeroth, but the land is not yet healed. But Blizzard is content to send us off to Pandaria and let the stories progress without us players. MoP feels like an intermission, a vacation from the “true” story of Azeroth. But I don’t want an intermission, I don’t want to be sent off to summer camp while the adults decide the fate of Azeroth, I want to complete the stories I played. I’ve worked too hard, have too much at stake to let Varian and Garrosh fuck Azeroth up while I’m busying myself with pandas.

Would I be so anti-panda if I didn’t have a definite hiatus date for my WoW raiding days? Am I projecting my angst over leaving a game I love onto MoP? Might my disappointment be truly slight but subconsciously I’m still dreading retiring from raiding? Possible. Doubtful. No. As I said above, I was excited to hear the next expansion as I anticipated picking WoW up again once life settled down. But when MoP was announced, the game lost all excitement for me. Instantaneous burnout. I had things I wanted to, was doing in WoW before MoP was announced: I just got Ninek the project alt to lvl 84, he and my other characters were busying themselves with Hallow’s End festivities (after three years, Lyraat finally got A Mask for All Occasions), and I even tinkered in the auction house for a bit for some quick gold. In the week since the formal announcement, I’ve logged on for a total of about 12 hours, three of which were spent raiding. That may seem like a lot—and for many, it is—but not for me. My normal play sessions are 3-4 hours per night, every night, with an additional 6 hours of raiding every week. That’s more than a day of /played every week. For me to drop to half of that…Yeah, burnout.  

A friend of mine from high school, her parents had been married for twenty-some years. They had two daughters, lived well, had successful careers and were seemingly happy. My friend went off to college, her younger sister followed her a couple years later. When the nest was empty, the parents divorced. Shocking, surprising. I never understood why. They had done the hard work of raising two children, and now, when the hard work was over, they parted ways amicably. I think I understand why now. After a long, difficult journey, I come to a crossroads with WoW. My gaming is about to become easier, more relaxed. I should be excited for this new expansion. First glance shows I could be quite casual and still see all the content and not be a lvl 90 n00b. Long-desired improvements to my class are coming. The new race are bigger, furrier, cuter Dwarves. The new class sounds like a lot of fun without being so insanely game-breakingly overpowered as death knights were. Heck, even the companion pet fighting game has me intrigued. Mists of Pandaria could be the best expansion to date. Yet as both WoW and I approach new chapters in our lives, I look at WoW again and realize that this isn’t the game I fell in love with seemingly so long ago. For the first time since I rolled a Gnome warrior on my wife’s account, I can envision a life without WoW. More to the point, a life without WoW seems better than a life with WoW. I dedicated so much of my life to WoW that even taking an extended hiatus is difficult. But continuing the relationship just doesn’t feel right. It’s time for us to part.

I want to emphasize that these are my personal feelings. I know a lot of people are extremely excited for the upcoming expansion. I’m happy for y’all. Truly, honestly. I hope you love the expandasion. Mists of Pandaria has a ton of potential, and hopefully Blizzard can execute on that promise. For me, though, all that win is outweighed by my dislike of Pandaren. Other people feel differently, and that’s okay. I’m not going to blast Blizzard for making the game too casual or decrying the death of WoW. I’m disappointed that Blizzard is sending us to Pandaria. That does not mean I think the expandasion will be the ruin of WoW. Pandas will ruin my WoW; make up your own mind. I’ve blasted a lot of people for trying to drag others down as they circle the burnout drain. I will not buy MoP and I’ll probably let my subscription expire in a few months. That and this blog are how I’m expressing my distaste for the direction of WoW. If you are excited to be a monk, to explore Pandaria, to drink and eat bamboo and be merry, I sincerely wish you the best. It’s the end of my journey in Azeroth, or at least a long rest. Your journey is yours. Enjoy it.

What’s next for me? My wife and I are committed to raiding for a couple more weeks. We won’t get exalted with the Avengers of Hyjal (horrible rep grinds ftl) nor will we get our drakes, but we might get to 6/7 H-Firelands. Considering the troubles we had at the beginning of the tier (several cancelled raids, our second full week of raiding Firelands and we sharded half the loot), I’m quite pleased. After that, it’s baby time and the holidays. Even if we weren’t procreating, my play time would be reduced in November and December. Beyond that, though, don’t expect a whole lot of WoW stuff from me. Skyrim and SWTOR are calling to me. A single-player game will be great with a newborn: pause any time, no commitments, can go at my own pace without feeling pressured (from within or without) to go hardcore. And SWTOR, well, I’ve been a huge Star Wars nerd for a very long time (proof.) I probably won’t be a day one player, but I’ll definitely play it. As for this site, it’s not going anywhere. I plan on at least one more WoW post before I retire from raiding. Got some things I’d like to blab about and I want to end my WoW blogging days on a more positive note than this; I don’t like rageposting, but sometimes, I cannot help myself. I plan on blogging about Skyrim and SWTOR and the baby and whatever else I feel like. I’ll still be on twitter. I might even do Facebook…nah.

This isn’t goodbye, the conversation is going in a new direction.

[Fair warning: This post contains spoliers for a Wrath of the Lich King quest chain. If you have not done this quest, stop reading, go to Icecrown, and do this quest. Now.]

Everyone has their favorite questline. I ran into my favorite quest chain while leveling Ninek. Stories such as Bridenbrad’s make me wish Blizzard would allow us to redo previously completed chains. No rewards, just the chance to experience the content again without having to level another character.

Why is Bridenbrad the best quest chain in the game?

Backstory to the story: Bridenbrad’s namesake is Bradford C. Bridenbecker, who died of cancer in 2007. His brother Robert, Blizzard’s VP of Online Technologies, wanted to memorialize Brad in-game somehow. He talked with Chris Metzen and Alex Afrasiabi, and together they designed this quest chain in honor of Brad.

The NPC is quite unlike other NPCs—and very unlike other persons in need of rescue—in the game. Highlord Tirion, a hero NPC himself, notes Bridenbrad’s bravery. If a paladin distinguishes himself in Tirion’s mind, we players need to remember that name, too. When we find him, he tells us to stay away lest he infects others with his infection. He doesn’t pity himself, he doesn’t regret his actions, he just doesn’t want to serve the Lich King. But alas, the plague within him will turn him in an undead slave bound for all eternity to the traitor Arthas. He survives two powerful and dangerous experimental treatments, neither of which cures him. He remains thankful for our efforts, saying our actions have renewed his hope for the world. When we return to him after visiting A’dal, he is grateful and happy to see us, but lapses into unconsciousness. Bridenbrad is everything a paladin strives to be. Courageous, compassionate, tenacious, and faithful to the Light. He is one NPC I don’t mind helping.

You think you’re going to save him, like you do in so many other quests, but you don’t. You cannot save him. Players expect to be the hero. Walk around town and “There’s our hero, Lyraat!”. We’re do-gooders, champions, movers of the plot, bulwarks against the onslaught of evil. And when something is out of our league, we ask for help and it is invariably provided. End result: we get the job done.

But not this time.

There are a lot of quests and I’ve forgotten some and missed others (all the Horde quests, for example). I’m sure there are other quests in which we do not save our charge. So why is this one different? Because never before have we received help from such luminaries and still failed. Neither the druids nor the aspect of life nor the naaru can save Bridenbrad. For the first time, we lose faith in those whom we heroes consider heroes. Our faith in our forces falters: if they can’t save a valiant crusader from the plague of undeath, what chance do any of us have against this evil? We’re rushing headlong at the heart of the Scourge, we will be exposed many times to this plague. The likelihood of us contracting the plague is quite high. Death is always on the menu when adverturing. An eternity of enslavement and suffering for the Lich King is not what we signed up for.

Yet he is saved, spared an eternity of suffering the curse of undeath. We redeem many souls throughout questing, especially in Icecrown. But we caused, expedited Bridenbrad’s salvation. Instead of the typical “use this on some dead folk and we’ll give you money” quest, we try to save Bridenbrad before he dies, before we have to use some random item on him to redeem his soul. Without our intervention, Bridenbrad might have succumbed to the plague. However strong he was, he is dying when we find him. We do not rescue him from death—even if he allowed us to transport him to a hospital, nothing stopped the plague inside him—but we bring him salvation. We are the instruments of the Light.

And this empowers us.

“The Light does not abandon its champions.”

Tirion could have sent anyone to find Bridenbrad. He has plenty of willing crusaders who would volunteer without hesitation to search for a fallen comrade. Yet he chose us, adventurers who had never met Bridenbrad. Why us?

Let’s look at how we got here. We aid Tirion and the Argent Vanguard as they begin their assault on Icecrown. We rescue some trapped crusaders, defend the encampment, rescue more crusaders, assassinate some Scourge leaders, gather materials, typical mercenary stuff. We’re not given a tabard or inducted into the Argent Vanguard, we’re just contractors doing jobs that the crusaders cannot or will not do.

After creating a passageway through the mountains, Tirion asks us to lead a squad to capture Crusader’s Pinnacle. This would be the first base established by the Argent Vanguard (or any enemy of the Lich King) within Icecrown. Tis not an easy task: cover the engineers and builders as the Scourge defends their home. We parry the Scourge, the builders finish the camp, and Tirion rewards us for our efforts.

At this point, we’ve proven ourselves to Tirion, but we haven’t shown any real dedication. We’re still adventurers, aka mercenaries with morals, in his eyes. The Argent Vanguard may pay less than other, more insidious organizations, but we like them, so we work for them. Yet we’re not Argent Vanguarders. There’s nothing stopping us from leaving the crusaders. We hate the Scourge, but we could attack the Scourge in other ways or let the crusaders plug away at the Scourge and rejoin the fight later. Wars are expensive and riskier missions require more gold; the Highlord doesn’t want to overextend his budget just for our services. We’re not soldiers, so joining them is dicey. Tirion needs to attach us emotionally to his organization, give us a reason other than gold to continue fighting for them, with them.

Enter Bridenbrad.

But is that Tirion’s only reason for sending us out to find Bridenbrad, to connect us emotionally, personally to the Vanguard? Or perhaps something deeper, a reason he doesn’t even know he exists? I’m not an expert on the lore behind the Light, so consider this amateur tin foil hat-type speculation.

The Light knows the Scourge is powerful, a plague that the most powerful medicines in all of Azeroth cannot defeat. The Light knows we adventurers are throwing themselves into the den of the Scourge, where we will be constantly exposed to this plague. We will need some solace, some measure of comfort as we push on towards the Lich King. We need to know that if we die, we will not be reborn as mindless yet powerful zombies, slaves to the enemy we seek to conquer. The Light wants us to continue our assault on the Lich King, an evil force that threatens to darken all of Azeroth. If we are to be instruments of the Light, it must prove to us that we will be saved if we die. Speeches and conversations with the priests and paladins of the Argent Vanguard feel like evangelizing, preaching the gospel. If we haven’t been converted yet, they won’t convert us now. An epiphany would be overly dramatic: the Light is a little more subtle than that (quick: name a quest with an epiphany in it.) A demonstration would work, but a natural one, not an artificial “Here’s what the Light can do for you!” show. Preferably the demonstration would be on someone who has fought for the glory of the Light, someone who wouldn’t mind spending eternity basking in the glory of the Light.

Yes, I am positing that the Light influenced, if not outright told Tirion to ask us players to rescue Bridenbrad. To quote A’dal from “The Boon of A’dal”:

“I am pleased that you have come to me, [name]. I know of Crusader Bridenbrad, and of your travels in hope of saving him. Bridenbrad’s valor has sparked remarkable selflessness in you, and this is a miracle unto itself.

“The Light will take care of its own. I will extend my blessing to Bridenbrad and he shall not endure the corruption of undeath. I shall return you to Dalaran and you shall return to him. Know that I remain with you.”

A’dal knows of Bridenbrad’s plight, A’dal says that the Light takes care of its own, yet Bridenbrad is allowed to die. Curious. Yes, he is ultimately redeemed, but I think a crusader would rather be cured of the plague and see the Lich King defeated then visit paradise than die and watch Arthas’s death while in paradise. Bridenbrad’s final act was staged by the Light as a recruitment play, a production designed to keep our faith—even if we don’t believe in the Light—as we progress in our struggle against the Scourge.

The Light knows we are the hope for Azeroth against the Lich King. The Naaru saw what we adventurers could do; our successes against Illidan and Kil’jaeden in Outland. They see the Alliance and Horde pincher move—from Howling Fjord in the east and Borean Tundra in the west—against Icecrown Citadel, which we helped make possible. We are hardened, skilled veterans. The Light needs us in the war against the Lich King. And while we won’t willingly fight for the Lich King, we may decide that this isn’t our fight. So the Light pokes Tirion into asking for our help with Bridenbrad. When the druids and aspect of life fail, the Light steps in and shows us that the Light will not fail, the Light takes care of its own. Willingly help the Light and be spared from unwillingly helping the Lich King.

The Light needed us to be willing combatants for the Light because of our complex role in the final encounter. We plow through the Lich King’s minions only to be offered up as sacrificial lambs to Frostmourne. But we needed to be strong enough to make the Lich King want us as his new heralds of the Scourge. As the Lich King is raising us into undeath, the Light frees Tirion, who then shatters Frostmourne. We are resurrected by the forces of the Light and destroy the Lich King. Without knowing we would be spared, I doubt that we adventurers would have fought so hard and endured so much. The Light would have had to find others, but who else conquered Naxxaramas, Ulduar, Trial of the Crusader, and Icecrown Citadel? Only we did. Only we would be found worthy by the Lich King, thus granting the Light a window during our fight on the Frozen Throne. We played our role perfectly, and the Light proved it does not abandon its champions.

This is but one of several in-game memorials. I would argue it is the most sentimental and touching. I’ve done the quest chain three times, and every time A’dal, K’uri, and M’ori appear, my screen blurs for a few moments.

You have matched sockets for bonuses that are not worth it.

I’ve been an ardent pro-socket bonuses guy since I got my first item with sockets. My philosophy: Blizzard gives us free stats so long as we match gem colors, so I’m going to match gems to sockets and get free money, I mean, stats. I haven’t always adhered to my philosophy; some Wrath items had terrible socket bonuses that I could not justify. But Cata changed that, specifically in regards to hit. First, hit became a blue gem, which allowed us to activate blue sockets intelligently. Second, reforging allowed us reduce our hit rating from our gear to get as close to the hit cap as possible. Thus, we can now go for socket bonuses all the time.

In theory, at least. But does this work in practice? A +10 Mastery bonus is not worth activating if it means giving up 20 agility.

The above quote is in direct contrast to my philosophy, so I was curious to see who is “right” (if such an outcome is discernible.) I imported a normal Firelands MM raider (let’s call him Jim) into femaledwarf.com. Currently, Jim is at 29052 dps. Very respectable. He’s currently ignoring 2 blue sockets and 1 yellow socket. Total free stats ignored = 20 agility, 30 haste. Hit rating is 100% exactly; excellent. So I played with his gems, putting Glinting Demoneyes into the blue sockets and a Deadly Ember Topaz in the yellow socket. But now he’s over the hit cap by quite a bit, so I removed the reforging on his crossbow. At 8 hit rating over the cap (which I consider acceptable), he’s at 29073 dps, 21 dps more than his current gear.

Let’s discuss that difference. 21 dps is less than one-tenth of one percent of his theoretical damage; 0.072% for those wondering. Over a five-minute fight, 28 dps equals 6300 damage. That’s one hit turned into a crit. In other words, it’s well within the realm of RNG. There is no difference between his current setup and regemming and reforging for socket bonuses.

To see if this was just Jim’s gear, I checked both my setup (SV) and hunter in my server’s top guild (MM, been working on H-Rag for over a month.) I gained 35 dps when I ignored one socket (I have way too much hit, so it’s 20 useless hit rating for 20 agi), but I lost 116 dps when I ignored the two least attractive socket bonuses. The lost dps equals 34800 damage over five minutes, which is one additional Explosive Shot. My friend lost 3 dps when he went after all socket bonuses (his current setup ignores one bonus); I don’t look at the tens digit on Recount let alone the ones digit.

One final test. For all three characters, I switched all gems to Delicate Cardinal Rubies (excepting three Delicate Chimera’s Eyes for the JC’ers) and reforged to get to the hit cap (if needed.) Jim and I lost over 100 dps each, and my hardcore friend lost 60 (a function of having more red sockets on his gear and thus losing fewer socket bonuses.)

Which is the best setup: activate all socket bonuses, none, or only the good ones? I would rule out none based on the DCI-only test, which resulted in lower dps for all three of us. We do not have a stat that allows us to ignore all other stats. Not even agility is strong enough to warrant complete submission to it. And although T12 gear has a lot of red sockets, we cannot be guaranteed more red sockets in the future. Between activating all socket bonuses or only the good ones, I don’t have answer. No meaningful differences between the two gearing tactics across three different players.

TL;DR = No difference between activating all socket bonuses and activating only the good bonuses.

Note on testing: All testing was done using femaledwarf.com. Characters were imported from the armory on 29 September 2011 between 10am and 2pm EST. I did not change talents, glyphs, items, or enchants. Only gems and reforging were altered. Best buffs and debuffs were used. Wolf pet with default pet spec. Default shot priority selected. Default settings except lag, which was lowered to 50ms (my average lag to my home server, Elune.) For the MM hunters, hit to cap > agi > crit > haste > mastery; for me the SV’er, hit to cap > agi > haste > crit > mastery.

If I were to venture/hazard a guess, I’d say that this is part of Blizzard’s ultimate goal of making theorycrafting obsolete. Theorycrafting is a big step for the beginner raider, one which not every raider wants to or knows how to take. It’s a barrier to entry, like attunement and finding a raid. Attunement was removed in Wrath, much to the dismay of many Classic and BC raiders. Finding a raid will be streamlined in 4.3. Theorycrafting, though, is harder to defeat.

Theorycrafting is part of raiding culture, part of being a good raider, and cannot be eliminated entirely from raiding. But its importance can be mitigated, lessened. Blizzard has been chipping away at theorycrafting’s importance. Three examples of Blizzard’s assault on theorycrafting…

Gear choices are simpler than ever: For non-tier slots, we have at most two choices, and in many cases (e.g. T12 neck slot), only one item at the appropriate iLvl. For tier slots, we have the tier piece and a non-tier piece. Previously, we had multiple items for each slot to choose from of our armor type as well as multiple items from other armor types. Pre-Cata, I spent hours each week pouring over Shandara’s spreadsheet, trying to find the ideal gear list. Now, I spend a couple hours a month with Fem Dwarf, and I’m on Fem Dwarf only when I get enough new gear to make a noticeable difference in my dps. 

Accessorizing is easy, differences are insignificant: Accessorizing—enchants, gems, reforging—is easier than ever. Reforging seems daunting at first, but addons and web-based tools facilitate the process; computers are logic machines and reforging is one big logic problem. Enchants have always been easy: most slots have one appropriate enchant, maybe two. Gems seem overwhelming, but once a person knows which stats they need, gems become no-brainers. And as seen above, the differences between gems and gemming strategies is negligible.

Talents are straight-forward: Some might say talents have always been such thanks to cookie cutter specs, yet the default raiding specs of yesteryear were more complicated than today’s default raiding specs. First, we have far fewer talents and talent points than pre-Cata. Fewer talents and talent points equals fewer opportunities to make mistakes. Across all three hunter trees, there are three, maybe four talents that are inarguably horrid. Pre-Cata, there were probably ten, a dozen, many more than now. Second, talents are much clearer in their function than before; that is, they are unambiguously dps or utility. We have to select utility talents to access dps talents, but they are clearly marked as such.

Combined, theorycrafting is less important now than it ever was. These are subtle means to move WoW more towards Blizzard’s ultimate goal. Certainly it has its place in raiding. Blizzard has made theorycrafting less important, which flattens beginning raiders’ learning curves, which in turn allows for more players to experience raiding content.

I want to stress that being stupid is not what Blizzard wants. People can (and do) still make bad choices. These gradual changes aren’t targeted at the fail players. They are targeted at players who want to try raiding, but don’t know where to begin. Gentle nudges towards success instead of a glowing sign saying, “EJ is that way, n00b.”

Ninek Notes

Northrend, ho!

/played = 63.5 hours
Level 74
96 achievements
975 achievement points
3758 HK’s

As you can see, I’ve put quite a bit of time into my little project alt. Brewfest and some free time spurred the push to Northrend.

Took me 24 hours to go from 58 to 68. Before you scream at me for being deceitful, I did not manipulate nor manage the leveling time in any way. I tracked it, but I didn’t realize my prediction was accurate until I logged it. Don’t worry, I won’t get to Cataclysm content in 24 hours as I have 12 levels to go, not just 10. And the last two levels will take quite a while.

Ah, Northrend. Blizzard did an amazing job with these quests. Always a joy to quest here.

Shortly after I reached Outland, I unlocked Thunderstomp for my pet. This meant I could start AoE’ing mobs without needing to Feign Death every five seconds. Yay! I tamed the nearest tenacity pet I could find—a boar—and started AoE’ing. I also picked up a crab pet because the boar’s bleed debuff does nothing for me as SV. However, both pets were dying. A lot. Cower once, keep Mend Pet up, still getting wrecked. Snarley could handle a bunch of mobs before needing Cower. What was different (besides Snarlsalot’s innate awesomeness)? Demoralizing Roar, aka a defensive debuff. So although I didn’t want to get another bear (because there can only be one Snarley), I picked up a non-Snarley-colored bear. I also grabbed a turtle in case Snarley gets jealous.

Got the Brewfest meta achievement already. Working on Disturbing the Peace. I should be able to get it. Gonna be close. Wondering how I got the Brewfest meta achievement when I can’t queue for Coren Direbrew? Rades answers that question. In the current version of the 9K guide, all world event achievements are extra, substitutes for harder achievements. I hope to be at least lvl 80 for Hallow’s Eve. With enough world event achievements, I have a shot to avoid having to slog through ICC yet again. Ugh.

I’m not liking PvP nearly as much as I did at the early levels. Focus is starting to rear its ugly head. At low levels, I can obliterate people with a full focus bar. Now and until endgame, I can’t. I have to wait to regen focus. Aspect of the Fox is still several levels off. Plus, “leftovers” (players who never bought subsequent expansions) are still around. Tis great fun running into a lvl 70 with more resilience than my main had at the end of Wrath. Oh, and fuck Strand of the Ancients. Horrible battleground.

I’m in the “learn new abilities deadzone”. At lvl 66, we get Snake Trap. At lvl 74, we Master’s Call. In between, nothing. Eight levels without new baseline abilities. Sure, we get access to bottom-of-the-talent-tree abilities in this level range, but we don’t necessarily take those abilities; why would I use Black Arrow when mobs don’t last more than 10 seconds? I’d rather have a slower attainment of abilities at low levels and get an ability (no matter how useless; what’s up, Widow Venom?) every other level all the way to 85. I don’t like dinging and getting nothing.

My biggest gripe with abilities regards Misdirection. Originally, we got Misdirect at lvl 70 because it was introduced in BC; now, we get it at lvl 76. I think this is a travesty. Misdirect is one of our most powerful abilities. MD and Feign Death combine to give hunters the best aggro management tools in the game. We get FD at lvl 32, which is about right. MD should be learnable by lvl 60. Give hunters time to practice MD, to learn how to use MD properly and effectively. Level 76 is far too late.

Thoughts on 4.3

• Deathwing is a multi-boss encounter = I’m pumped. Sounds awesome.
• Heroic DW will be made easier once the uberguilds kill him = Blizzard must have identified a break point between the uberguilds and the incredibly-good-but-a-step-less-good-than-the-uberguilds. I don’t know where that point is—probably world top 30 or so—but there’s a point at which the fight will be too hard for everyone else even when fully geared. Just gives guilds more incentive to push. Oh, and I still think that N’Zoth pops out of DW’s corpse as a hardmode-only boss.
• T13 will not be available via vendors = Yay, I guess. As a raider, this means I don’t have to cap my VP every week for two months just to get my needed gear. Kill bosses, get tokens, win. Plus, we can stroke our epeens by showing off our raider-only gear in town. Most importantly, though, this is a big reason why Firelands got nerfed. Since Sunwell, players have been able to gear up for raids via badges (pre-Cata) and JP/VP (Cata). Stuck on a current tier boss? Pound out your heroics and get some VP gear of the tier you’re working on. Want to gear up a new player or alt? VP gear accelerates the process. But if only non-tier-set pieces will be available via VP, then players won’t be able to boost their gear significantly in order to overgear T13 encounters. They’ll need to go back to Firelands, which, again, they won’t overgear and probably won’t clear. This lack of progression will break guilds, especially the newer, less experienced guilds. By nerfing Firelands, guilds will be able to gear up for T13 even without getting tier pieces from VP. 
• Melee classes being buffed only in this tier of raiding = Curious. Will the buff make them more wanted than us ranged? Will it even things out? Our raid will benefit tremendously as we’re melee-heavy, yet we’re not wiping because we can’t meet enrage timers.
• Looking for Raid = Cataclysm’s answer to Wrath’s “practice” 10-mans except instead of 10 guildies practicing the fights, we’ll be learning the fights with a bunch of randoms. Not looking forward to that. On the flip side, if my 10-man is a player short, we can hop into LFR, pug a random player, and get something done rather than canceling the raid. Also, I am pleased that those who want to see the content but cannot get into a raid will see the fights. This is a larger topic, but in brief, one frustration with MMOs is that players may not have access or even the opportunity to see content unless they devote themselves to the game. Casual players immerse themselves in the storylines and characters just like those in server-first guilds. They should have the chance to finish those storylines, see what happens to the characters just like the server-first players do. Might be later, but better late than never. And that’s why I love the…
• New dungeons = If I’m a casual player, the new dungeons will let me aid the heroes on their final push against Deathwing. “I may not be strong/agile/intelligent/skilled enough to kill Deathwing, but I can do my part!” We’ve all helped in the fight against Deathwing and the Twilight’s Hammer. Let everyone finish the story for themselves.
• Epic gems are from boss goodie bags = As a JC’er, I’m of two minds on this. The money-loving mind says, “Damnit! There goes the pile of gold I was gonna get through cutting epic gems!” The completionist mind says, “Oh thank God! I don’t have to JC dailies for the rest of the expansion!” As a raider, I’m not thrilled with this. On average, it will take all of 4.3 to replace red rare gems with red epic gems. In reality, someone (not me) will finish replacing their reds in a month while others (me) won’t get close.
• Northrend will require 2/3rds of the xp it does now = Expected. Depending on when 4.3 drops, Ninek might be done with Northrend or, at least, be very close to being done.
• Tier bonuses announced = Very excited for the hunter bonuses. When I first saw the bonuses, especially the 2pc bonus, I thought I might be able to change from haste to crit. Then I realized that haste will make the 2pc and 4pc bonus even more awesome; synergy ftw! More haste = more focus (via faster passive regen and more Steady/Cobra Shots, which generate double the focus via T13 2pc) = more Arcane Shots = more haste via T13 4pc = …You get the idea. T13 4pc proc + The Hungerer trinket proc + Rapid Fire + Hero/BL/TW = CANNOT SPAM ARCANE SHOT FAST ENOUGH!!!

Firelands, Nerfed Edition

Let me describe our first week of raiding since the Great Firelands Nerf…

Thursday: Our raid leader announces that we’re going to work on his legendary. We do the required tasks on the boss, wipe, move to the next boss, repeat, complete the quest, kill Volcanis, kill the bosses. In theory, this would save us a week on the legendary progress; it’s how Premonition got their world-first legendary a week before everyone else. We agreed to wiping and headed into Firelands, Nerfed Edition.

Two trash wipes, computer problems, multiple wipes on each boss before getting the items, two wipes on Volcanis, and two and a half hours later, our raid leader had his progress on his staff and we had zero boss kills. Forty minutes later, five bosses were dead. A sloppy, ugly, unfocused raid turned into total victory against the bosses of lower Firelands.

Sunday: We pushed Fandral over without problem. On to Ragnaros. We had seen Rag a few times before. Problem was, because we were having difficulty repeating kills, we didn’t have much time for Rag; wipes on Rhyolith and Alys mean fewer attempts on Rag. But Sunday, we had two whole hours to pound our head on the lord of fire. First attempt got us farther than we ever got before. Ten attempts total on the night and we had our first Firelands clear.

Were nerfs needed? Yes. Pre-nerf Firelands was the hardest tier I’ve seen since Hyjal/BT, and my guild then was nowhere near as good as my current guild (we were such gigantic n00bs in those days.) These fights are complex and punishing…on normal. They felt overtuned. T11 was tough but doable. T12 was a hard slog. We had trouble replicating fights, putting bosses on farm. Just getting to Rag ate up most of our six hours of raiding. Compare that to T11, which had more bosses, but only required a couple hours to clear to each of the end bosses.

Were the nerfs too much? Yes. We broke mechanics—nearly killed Alys’s hatchlings before all the worms spawned, Beth’s spiderlings had to drones to fixate on—while being sloppy in our overall performance. Instead of 15% and 25%, I would rather have seen 10% and 15%. Normal mode should be clearable by casual raids, hard modes is for hardcore raiders.

Am I disappointed we didn’t kill pre-nerf Rag? A little, I suppose, but I’m not crying about it. Had we been raiding consistently every week since Firelands came out, ya, I probably would have been upset. But missing three weeks of raiding will slow progression.